When the well’s dry, we know the worth of water. – Benjamin Franklin
“Self care” and “Self love” have become trendy terms but the idea of lavishing attention on ourselves is uncomfortable and unfamiliar for many of us – we may have grown up with a sense that to focus on ourselves is selfish. Let us first address this misconception – to care for oneself is not to “care for oneself exclusively and excessively” (definition: ‘selfish’).
What is self care?
At its root, self care is to accept, honour and fulfil one’s needs. By turning attention inwards and nourishing oneself, a person is much more able to share their gifts with others. We simply cannot pour out from an empty jug. We fill up our cup, repeatedly and with dedication and appreciation and the benefit to others is manifold. The ripples of our wellbeing – our recharged energy, our renewed ability to flow through life – are far reaching and abundant.
Practical and necessary
Now that we have left behind the idea that looking after ourselves is in any way selfish (in a negative sense), we might agree that self care is centred on the self in the sense that it is necessary, essential, practical. You are stuck with yourself for life so it makes a huge amount of sense to get to know, nurture and optimise that self.
Distraction is natural
We are animals, after all, so we must not blame ourselves for falling into self destructive habits, it is in our nature to crave and seek short term pleasures – it is when we become slave to our mind, ego, desires that we hack away at our mind and body balance. Mastery of self is not easy or quick but it is a practice and a process worth the discipline and dedication and the inevitable discomfort that comes with it.
We have a choice
The choice is between living in colour or living in the grey, choosing to be with ourselves rather than at war with ourselves. Once we develop our awareness, we gain the power of choice and an expanded perspective, we are on the path to self mastery. An enhanced understanding of true holistic (whole self) wellbeing offers us the opportunity to lead by example and live and work in a sustainable way in deeper relationship with oneself and therefore others.
Seek balance
Alternatively, we may be familiar with the all too common leave-myself-behind in pursuit of a hurdle, stay afloat it’s a game of survival, hold-it-together-for-others which often leads to burn out. Allied with ambition is the responsibility to take care of our mind and body so that we can follow through and leave a legacy, this part is often forgotten until it cannot be ignored. Your life and work is a continuous journey rather than an end goal. Seeking balance we need to review and tweak the gears as we meander along our path, it is not supposed to be a linear A to B, even though we might like it to be.
Life is not like water. Things in life don’t necessarily flow over the shortest possible route.
– Haruki Murakami
We will find ourselves drifting off centre on different days and at different chapters in our lives, it is up to us to listen in, notice the signs and adjust the balance.
Ancient yogic texts
The ancient yogis defined three guns, three qualities of psychology (and consequently physiology because the body keeps the score). The three gunas are: rajas, tamas and sattva. Rajasic states include over-excitement, anxiety, anger, stress, impatience, whilst Tamasic states include inertia, laziness, doubt, sadness, apathy. Through the practice of yoga, developing greater union and harmony inside and out, we seek Sattvic states where we can embody a sense of balance, serenity, self understanding, compassion and focus.
Self care is essential
Self care is never selfish, it is self preserving and fortifying, it is essential. Take care of yourself and fill up your cup so that it overflows. When you feel nourished from the inside out, it is natural and easy to share your energy with others. When you are depleted, your light is dim (even if others cannot perceive it), you are at risk of burning your life giving flame out.
Remember, there are always opportunities to nurture oneself in little ways, and larger ways, every day. Practice and be patient with yourself, small shifts lead to sustainable great changes.
Be your greatest ally, and the rest will follow.
Louise Wellby, Head of Content